Almost Done

So for the last 2 1/2 years I have been trying to get rid of the baby weight I gained from having Sophia. Those pregnancy books were not kidding when they said it took awhile. I'm officially down to 148 pounds, but they CDC is still saying I'm overweight (can you believe that?) So I have 3 more lbs to lose and I am what I weighed before I had Sophia.

Thought I would post some celebratory picks!! I will post some before and afters

So this was the beginning of this year notice the double chin, I was about 165



And here is me now!! I'm so proud of myself!

SO IN LOVE

So John and I went to NYC on Saturday and did some Christmas shopping in Chinatown and Greenwich village. It was absoultely amazing, we had an amazing time together and I know now not to worry about anything, he truly is happy to be with me he told me himself! Just thought I'd post my pictures.

Thanksgiving and the day after and the day after that!

So I ended up going to my mom's for Thanksgiving, it was awesome. It was nice to spend time with my family and just veg, have a few days off from work and go Black Friday Shopping. My brothers and me really got to bond and it was really nice. I was able to open up more about John and I think my family is truly happy for me. I know that I am truly happy, now the "L" word has been dropped yet, but he said something so beautiful to me today that I almost started crying.

See John went through a really tough divorce, all I have to say is that his wife really screwed him over big time. And he was talking about how is life is finally on track and he has things in his life that make him happy, and then he looked at me and said you are one of the things that makes me very happy I am glad that I met you. It is really nice to hear that from him. On Thanksgiving I sent him a text that said, Happy Thanksgiving, I am so thankful for having you in my life. And he sent one back saying "Yes I am happy we are together too" I am just so damn stuck to him it's not even funny.

But anyways I am posting some pictures from this week and this weekend. Enjoy!
The whole family from Left Phil, Steve, Sean, Kelly, Me, and Sophia

Phil and The Lego Man that Yay-Yay (My dad) made for Sophia and Sophia
Steve and Me, brotherly and sisterly love lol

Me and Sean, don't we look so happy
My Baby John and Me, see how happy we are??

An Epiphany

So I was sitting at home today before seeing Twilight, laying back on my bed and thinking. Thinking about everything that has happened over the past couple of months. I mean February I told Michael that it was over, and that took a long time to get over. And then a beautiful thing happened in July, I think I might have met the "one". Now I know I know Jessica don't get ahead of yourself but let me explain, ok?

When I decided to divorce Michael it was one of the worst times of my life, I felt that I had finally really let myself down. The one thing that I had always promised myself is that no matter what I was never going to get divorced and I was going to work through it. Well it was way to hard for me, and I really felt like a quitter at the time. But since it began I got over it. I was really apprehensive about trying to date someone else because I didn't want to get hurt, and it was like walking on a bed of nails, one wrong move and a rusty nail is in your foot. It took a lot of guts for me to go online and post a profile, I figured what the heck let me at least see what is out there. And after being through one marriage I knew what I wanted out of my life and knew what I wanted that special someone to be also. So I went ahead and posted that profile.

I wasn't exactly sure how I was going to feel trying to date someone else, all of my woes were still running through my mind. I was scared about anybody finding out, so I started to receive e-mails on a daily basis. And I received a message one day, it was very casual asking me how I was, asking me about myself and nothing more. I felt really comfortable with it, none of this your so beautiful blah blah blah crap. So I started conversing with this man back and forth for awhile. Even when i didn't answer for a week he kept on top of me and little did i know that I would end up meeting him once and never stop seeing him.

We have been dating since July, we have been dating almost 5 months and I know that might seem not so long, but this is the first relationship that I haven't fought with him we seem to enjoy each others time together after we are together and part we miss each others company. And lately I haven't been texting him like I used to, like when i would come home from his place. Lately he's been texting me telling me he misses me and when we were together it was just absoultely amazing, the point I am trying to make is that I think we are both falling in love with each other.

He won't let me pay for anything, when we are together on the weekends we don't want to leave each others side. We don't want to be without each other it is a beautiful feeling having someone feel the same way for you as you do for them with no bullshit attached. And that's what I figured out today sitting on my bed, with all the feelings that I am having that I was in love with him, I am truly in love with him and not puppy love true love. God it's so scary, but it feels so great to just let it out and say it, well to guys not him. That's going to be on him to tell me that he loves me first, lol. I did slip at the end of one of my texts last night saying have a goodnight baby Love ya Jess...oops!

Well I think that's all for now, by the way Twilight was awesome. I think I'm in puppy love with Rob Pattinson from Twlight...he was so Edward it isn't even funny.



is he not hottness? Oh my god the way he acts and damn..I just can't even speak lol!

So Happy!

So I talked to my cousin Amy on my instant messenger for a little while this past week and was asking her about men. It's such a broad subject and everyone is different and no way alike. I had been some reservations about him actually having feelings for me and knowing where it was going.

But I have been taking it one step at a time. Today we went out during the day, he took me to where is works (he owns his own nursery) and showed me around, now that alone kind of was like, wow he's letting me in. I know it might sound stupid, but he is very excited about his business and I am happy for him that he is excited about it. I also got to meet his best friend, which was an adventure in itself, so it's like everything is starting to happen.

He seems to be very in tune to my feelings and is starting to share them more, which makes me melt in his hand. When we were in a couple of stores today looking, he just without hesitation put his arms around me and was kissing me neck, it was so sweet. I don't know what the change in attitude was but boy am I happy :) Right before we went home I went to starbucks to get some java, I am watching Brandon (Melissa's son) right now and I need all the energy I can get right now. Well I went to pull my wallet out and pay and he was like no baby I got it. I told him i would pay for it, but he doesn't let me pay for anything, yeesh! I know why the hell is Jessica complaining, because in all my other relationships it seems that I was paying for everything and doing everything, but this one is like wow.

So all in all I have had a happy day and I am glad that I was able to see him. Oh and I received a message when I got home saying that he had a good time and that his best friend likes me and he was glad we got to see each other today and he closed it with xoxoxoxoxo. 5 months later and we are making a dent, I finally am starting to understand. As long as I let him take is time telling me it's that much better!

Well toodles for now, going to watch Brandon and get ready to go see Twilight, I CAN"T WAIT YIPEE!!!

So Life is Getting Better

So I haven't written since Obama was elected, everything has been going really good. So some new things have been going on in the home front. Well one isn't that new, 2 months after I filed for divorce against Michael I started kind of/sort of seeing someone. Now this began in July and actually we have been seeing each other ever since. I haven't said anything because I haven't wanted to jinx the relationship at all, but now I am going to be open about it. He is 14 years older than me, which doesn't bother me at all, to me age is just a number after you are a certain age.

But anyways, it has been going good again like i have said we have been seeing each other since July. I am not completely sure what is going on in that mind of his, but isn't that always the way it is? I have learned to not push it and see where it goes, I do have to say he treats me like I have never been treated before. I feel like a princess when I am with him, and like my cousin Amy I actually met him on a dating site, we took it slow first talking on the Internet and then meeting for coffee and it seemed that we just really got a long. I sometimes wonder if it is too good to be true, but I don't want to jinx myself and start thinking negatively because that always screws you. But my only question is this, how do you know when he really digs you and has feelings for you? I mean he has to like me if we keep seeing each other and it seems that it is becoming more and more every week, it was just on the weekends because that was the best, but now it seems that it is becoming more and more. And how do you stop yourself from falling?? I don't want to get hurt, but he is so great. And just a checklist (I asked him this on our first date) no police/jail record, no drug addictions (thank god), owns his own business (it's stable I don't have to worry about supporting him lol), and is very self sufficient. So what is there not to love, lol?

But I need everybodys help, let me tell you something he did a couple of weeks ago that had me almost in tears (not a bad thing). What happened was about my custody case with Sophia's father, he asked for a continuance because he doesn't want to pay child support, well the same day I was supposed to go for the custody, my boyfriend went for his divorce (yes he was previously married, it's alright because so was I) he got his divorce and I didn't even get to go to my court date because people want to act like wankers. Well that weekend I went up to his apartment, and earlier that day he had sent me a text and said I have a surprise for you...I was kind of worried but excited. So when I got the apartment he brought me in and had me sit down. He handed me a brown paper bag and said "Baby I know you've had a bad week and I felt really bad so I wanted to get you something to make you feel better" (I know awwwh). So anyways he got my Calvin Klein perfume. I was so happy, I mean nobody has ever done that for me, cared about my feelings and went and bought me something to make me feel better. I just felt so special and then when we went out that night we talked about our relationship something we had never done before. We had both agreed that we were glad that we had met each other and we were happy.

But anyways, that's about it..I'm attaching a picture so everybody can see...

Oh How The World Has Changed

So it's 2 days since the national Election. Can you believe it?? I still cannot believe it Mr. Barack Obama is now President-elect Barack Obama. I was glued to my phone at the bowling alley Tuesday night, being the national announcer jumping up and down screaming yes yes yes he got Connecticut! OH MY GOD HE GOT PENNSYLVANIA!! It was truly exciting, and it's not because of the color of his skin. Barack exuded intelligence and the man is a great public speaker, watching him deliver his victory speech Tuesday Night/Wednesday Morning brought tears to my eyes. He speaks like he's talking directly to you and you can truly understand what he is saying and where he is coming from.

I am very proud to admitt that I voted for him, and I cannot wait until his term in office begins. The mood of my friends and people in general has changed, the air has seemed to get lighter and people seem to happier. The moment I saw one of my really good friends Aiyana, all we started singing was "OBAMA, OBAMA, OBAMA." The whole day we kept going back and forth about things he said in his victory speech and how much we cannot wait for the change in America. I can tell you that it has really made everybody think that very quote he kept repeating "Yes We Can" is actually truly. We can all accomplish anything we put our mind to and Barack has showed us that, he is truly an inspiration to many and I am proud to say Congratulations President Obama!!!


Graphics & Comments

amy had him as a movie hero, I have him as Obama Man!!

I know I know I know...where the heck has Jess been

So I know I haven't written in awhile, but here I am back. Life has really been on a roller coaster lately. First off there is a warrant out for my ex-husband's arrest, he threatened me on recorded messages and was harassing the hell out of me. It was actually pretty scary for awhile. Now if they would only find him and arrest him, but he hasn't called since so in a way I am very happy.

Second i was supposed to go for custody today w/ Sophia's father. Well that didn't happen, was kind of pissed about that. Her father wants to continue playing around and it's kicking the crap out of me. I saw my doctor today and he said you've got to easy some of this stress that you are having, I'm thinking to myself what do you know??? Walk a day in my shoes and see. So he's talking about putting me on antidepressants because I've been stressing and I am kind of dragging with all of this crap on my plate. I'm kind of scared to be taking anytime of prescription drugs, I don't want to be a zombie. But my question is how the hell is an antidepressant supposed to make me not depressed, it is human nature to feel sad and feel like shit and I would rather feel it than have some drug block it. But that's just me.

But anyways that is my sad sappy life right now. By the way I bought the Honda CRV and it is absolutely amazing I love that car...and it's my favorite color too Black :)

Got the Car

So I went and purchased the Honda CR-V on Tuesday and drove off the lot with it. I am so happy with it...and so excited at the same time :) It's black with tan interior, I finally got my moonroof too :) I ended up getting a 2008, it's so beautiful...Payments for life but hey I got the car i finally wanted.

On another note, my ex-husband still won't leave me alone so I'm changing my phone number and then that will be done with, lol.

Hey All!

So it's been almost a week since I've written. Divorced life would be lovely if this ass would leave me alone. Isn't divorced supposed to mean leave me alone lol? What a retard, ugh! I'm so freaking pissed about it, can we say Psych Ward like NOW?? And not for me either, he needs to be committed for the rest of his life.

IT'S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yesterday at 10:30 it was decreed that I was finally divorced! I was so happy I walked out of the courtroom with such a big smile on my face. After having to get on a stand (yeah like I was on trial lol) and telling the judge that I wanted nothing but my dignity and my maiden name back it was finally over. What a liberating experience, my ex-husband (it has such a beautiful ring to it :) ) didn't even show up for court, he had nothing to fight about since I got a lawyer involved. It was just so easy and I am so happy that it is finally over.

I am actually able to move on with my life and focus on the things important in my life which is my child, my family, and my job. When I walked out of that courthouse it was like a big big burden had been lifted off of my shoulders and I was finally free of all the drama. I am glad that it is finally over and I have definetly learned from this experience. I can't change anybody that isn't willing to change and no matter how much love you give someone if they aren't willing to change it's a lost cause. Sometimes drugs are the only thing they know to turn to. I am happy that I don't have to live with demons like that, I have my own and nothing that drastic. I know that I was very worried for nothing at all, but it is just that I know how he could get and I really didn't know what to expect. I mean I thought he was willing to change, he told me over and over again that he was going to get it right that god had sent me to him to change and he couldn't do it. But whatever I am over it, for awhile I was upset after I filed for divorce it was hard for me. There was about 2 to 3 weeks where I was depressed, never thought that I would find anybody else and that I was going to be stuck with this loser forever, that is what is seemed. I didn't file for divorce until May, I told him it was over in Feburary. It was more that I had to pick the pieces up of my life and start putting my twisted puzzle back together, some pieces had to be thrown away and new pieces were put in their place. I am not looking back on this experience as a mistake, I look at it as a learning experience. I just know that I can't save everybody as much as I want to and I can't have such a big heart because you get taken as a sucker. A big sucker, that is what I felt like when he took the drug dealing over me once again.

But as long as Sophia and me are together and I have my mom and my grandmother and the rest of my family I don't need him. My mother got me through all of this, even when I was being sued for full custody of Sophia, she was right by my side. I don't think that I would have ever been able to get through that without her and that's because she had been through it. And I see now why she was so pissed when she found out that I was getting married, because she had been down that road and didn't want me to have to experience the same heart ache and bullshit that she had to go through. But as always I had to figure it out myself, sometimes we just go do things on a whim and this was one of them. Although I am over it, I think that it is healthy to get it all out of your system, which is what I am doing. I'm listening to Ozzy Osbourne's song "Dreamer", and damn that is what this marriage was lol.. I don't ever know how I will ever repay my mother for her support through all of this, she means so damn much to me. My grandmother was there too, telling me I was stupid for being upset but in a way she was right he couldn't change for me, but it still hurt. I am not going to let people get me down anymore, I am going to do what makes me happy. And eventually I want to find real love, someone that loves me for me, that doesn't have a criminal record and is self sufficent. I can't deal with someone that can't hold a job, or is constantly thinking that I am going to take care of them. I want to be someone that has mutual love and understanding. I've learned a lot about love, I fell in love to quickly with my ex, I think it was more lust than anything. And it was the thrill of not getting caught together too, and once everybody knew it wasn't any fun anymore. Reality finally set in and everyday life caught up.

I feel very liberated by this whole experience, I think I have finally become an adult. I am a mother to a beautiful and wonderful child. I having a wonderful full time job, that I would change at all. And have friends that I can finally trust and we would do anything for eachother and finally I have my family, without them I would be nothing. I am just so glad to be rid of all of this and I can move on, find someone that is well suited for me and will love my daughter as much as I do and I can finally set goals and my dreams will finally come true. That is it, thank you all for listening :)

IT'S ALMOST HERE YIPPY!

So tomorrow is the big day!! I'm getting divorced, didn't think that I would be this happy about it, but I am. I am ready to move on with my life and start fresh :) My husband called yesterday to try to speak to me, but I wouldn't pick up the phone I don't want to hear any of the phony bologna he has to tell me. Saturday was funny, I'm like Adams Rib, I will always be a part of him what an ass lol. It's going to be like a sigh of relief when they tell me it is finally over. Yes, yes, yes, yes!!!

Besides that Sophia is home and doing well, she's watching Max and Ruby right now, she loves them! I've actually started to enjoy them, what's happening to me lol. Work is hectic it's the beginning of the week of course so everybody is trying to get things done.

But that's about it, I will write tomorrow when it's all over with! Wish me luck!!

Aah The Week Is Almost Done :)

So today was a typical Thursday, everybody at work trying to squeeze 5 days of work into 4. Today actually went pretty well except for a comment by a major dick wad at work. Men just don't think before they open there mouth, I did make sure that they knew about it though it was a sexist comment that really pissed me off. As I have said in the past, I don't take crap from anybody he was told exactly how I felt, I don't pull any punches.

Besides that I have been exhausted all day, had to go into work early today and then sit through training. The good thing about training was that it was about 15 minutes long, unlike yesterdays where the guy talked for an hour, thank god I never had this design engineer as a teacher I would have been sleeping every class. He talks so soft and so slow it's like damn just get it out of your mouth already. And of course we had to have technical difficulties with our office in the UK so that didn't help, we had trouble today too, but we had one of our own guys from our office doing the training so that was nice.

Nothing really else happened at work today. Sophia is in the tub right now playing more than washing, oh well she's having fun. We went out with my Aunt for dinner last night and then to Walmart. I swear this child thinks that Walmart is like Disney World because everytime we go there I leave with something cool for her. Last night it was a new set of pajamas, Tinkerbell, this time. She also got 3 color wonders and diapers. Diapers aren't much fun to her, or me either since I'm the one that has to constantly change them. I sometimes watch her sleep at night and think come on kid please please please use the potty. My dreams will one day come true and I'm not trying to make her grow up quickly, but come on there is just so many more Poopie diapers I can change lol.

In other news I am thinking about purchasing another vehicle and getting rid of the one that I have now. I am looking at a Honda CRV, there are a couple of reasons for that. One is that when I go to court for my divorce I'm afraid that my soon to be ex is going to pop my tires or something, if I have a new car he can't pop the tires. I also want something a little bigger for all my crap and grocery shopping and all of that fun stuff. I don't know we will see how it goes, it all depends on the weather this weekend. I was told it is supposed to get really really bad Saturday, of course my luck. I don't know we will see what happens. But besides that nothing really else is going on, but I have to leave since I have to take Sophia out because it's time for bed.

Night Night

A New Day a New Post :)

So I won't be complaining much more about my husband since 6 days and then this nightmare of a marriage is over. I am really happy and I am looking ahead to the future. Though I have learned something that as much as you want to dive head deep into falling in love, it's good to take your time and breath the fresh air and walk, not run. God I just wish I had known that a year and a half ago when I fell so hard in love. I swear it was bad boy syndrome, I could not look away from the bad boy.

I don't know why I actually keep going over and over this again, I guess it's because it's almost over. Now don't get me wrong I cannot wait, I guess it's like it was a couple of months ago I was let down. He promised he would change, he promised he would take care of me. His money went into a black hole and the drugs started again. It just hurts that I was let down.

My mother told me something that I finally believed a couple of weeks a good. Karma is a very powerful thing and although it doesn't come back to you right away it eventually does. And that is what I try to remember. Karma is a Boomerang.

I can't wait until this is all over!!

So it's still September 1st, but the 9th I hope comes fast. I cannot wait to get divorced, but it seems that my husband doesn't want to leave me alone. He will call over and over again, it annoys me because it bothers me a lot. I really feel that he has definetly gone nuts, I mean he was nuts before but he's even more nuts now. I don't understand after he received the divorce papers why he didn't get it, divorce papers would make me think huh? Guess he doesn't want to be with me oh well I guess I will move on. Not him he's got to keep calling and calling and calling. He isn't scared of the police and or anything.

You know I sometimes wish he would get arrested because then he would leave me alone, a letter is much easier to throw away then listening to your phone vibrate every 5 minutes. I was stupid to marry him, I thought I could change the world and I know those were big aspirations but I really thought if I loved him so much that he would change. I was wrong and I understand that now. Too bad it was a little too late. I have already moved on with my life I just wish upon a star that he would too. Life would be so much easier then and I know that life isn't easy but he makes it very very very complicated.

Thats all for now.

Peace!
Jess

Hello Blog

So my first post on my blog...I'd like to welcome everybody that is decided to view this. Just to warn you I am straight to the point I don't pull any punches, what you see is what you get. So there is me in a nutshell. To everybody that knows me I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter named Sophia, she is my bundle of joy (when she wants to be), unfortunately she has her mother's genes so she's moody in the morning and full of vinegar at night. She is growing up so quickly, now if I could just get her to use the potty we will be all set. When you ask her "Sophia do you want to go to the potty", she looks at you and goes "Nope" and starts to laugh. It's hard to keep a straight face with her because she is so hilarious. I will be posting pictures of her constantly because she is such a ham and I have a photo taking problem with her, I can't get enough.



Besides Sophia, I am going through a divorce nobody needs to be upset for me or feel sorry because to be honest I am not one bit sorry about it. People have personal demons sometimes that they do not want to shut out of their life, because it's the only way that they know how to survive like selling drugs, and that was my husbands way of making money. He's homeless living on the streets now and to be honest I could really give to craps about it. I have learned very quickly with this relationship that Karma is a boomerang and Karma is definetly biting him in the ass. I am not a cold person, but he has made me cold. So I have one more unberable week to be married to the ass, and then I am completely free of all of his burdens and bullcrap :).

Besides that I have started working a wonderful job that I absolutely love. It took me awhile to get it, but patience pays off in the long run. But that's about it for now. Hope everybody enjoyed the updates!