So I went and purchased the Honda CR-V on Tuesday and drove off the lot with it. I am so happy with it...and so excited at the same time :) It's black with tan interior, I finally got my moonroof too :) I ended up getting a 2008, it's so beautiful...Payments for life but hey I got the car i finally wanted.
On another note, my ex-husband still won't leave me alone so I'm changing my phone number and then that will be done with, lol.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Hey All!
So it's been almost a week since I've written. Divorced life would be lovely if this ass would leave me alone. Isn't divorced supposed to mean leave me alone lol? What a retard, ugh! I'm so freaking pissed about it, can we say Psych Ward like NOW?? And not for me either, he needs to be committed for the rest of his life.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
IT'S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So yesterday at 10:30 it was decreed that I was finally divorced! I was so happy I walked out of the courtroom with such a big smile on my face. After having to get on a stand (yeah like I was on trial lol) and telling the judge that I wanted nothing but my dignity and my maiden name back it was finally over. What a liberating experience, my ex-husband (it has such a beautiful ring to it :) ) didn't even show up for court, he had nothing to fight about since I got a lawyer involved. It was just so easy and I am so happy that it is finally over.
I am actually able to move on with my life and focus on the things important in my life which is my child, my family, and my job. When I walked out of that courthouse it was like a big big burden had been lifted off of my shoulders and I was finally free of all the drama. I am glad that it is finally over and I have definetly learned from this experience. I can't change anybody that isn't willing to change and no matter how much love you give someone if they aren't willing to change it's a lost cause. Sometimes drugs are the only thing they know to turn to. I am happy that I don't have to live with demons like that, I have my own and nothing that drastic. I know that I was very worried for nothing at all, but it is just that I know how he could get and I really didn't know what to expect. I mean I thought he was willing to change, he told me over and over again that he was going to get it right that god had sent me to him to change and he couldn't do it. But whatever I am over it, for awhile I was upset after I filed for divorce it was hard for me. There was about 2 to 3 weeks where I was depressed, never thought that I would find anybody else and that I was going to be stuck with this loser forever, that is what is seemed. I didn't file for divorce until May, I told him it was over in Feburary. It was more that I had to pick the pieces up of my life and start putting my twisted puzzle back together, some pieces had to be thrown away and new pieces were put in their place. I am not looking back on this experience as a mistake, I look at it as a learning experience. I just know that I can't save everybody as much as I want to and I can't have such a big heart because you get taken as a sucker. A big sucker, that is what I felt like when he took the drug dealing over me once again.
But as long as Sophia and me are together and I have my mom and my grandmother and the rest of my family I don't need him. My mother got me through all of this, even when I was being sued for full custody of Sophia, she was right by my side. I don't think that I would have ever been able to get through that without her and that's because she had been through it. And I see now why she was so pissed when she found out that I was getting married, because she had been down that road and didn't want me to have to experience the same heart ache and bullshit that she had to go through. But as always I had to figure it out myself, sometimes we just go do things on a whim and this was one of them. Although I am over it, I think that it is healthy to get it all out of your system, which is what I am doing. I'm listening to Ozzy Osbourne's song "Dreamer", and damn that is what this marriage was lol.. I don't ever know how I will ever repay my mother for her support through all of this, she means so damn much to me. My grandmother was there too, telling me I was stupid for being upset but in a way she was right he couldn't change for me, but it still hurt. I am not going to let people get me down anymore, I am going to do what makes me happy. And eventually I want to find real love, someone that loves me for me, that doesn't have a criminal record and is self sufficent. I can't deal with someone that can't hold a job, or is constantly thinking that I am going to take care of them. I want to be someone that has mutual love and understanding. I've learned a lot about love, I fell in love to quickly with my ex, I think it was more lust than anything. And it was the thrill of not getting caught together too, and once everybody knew it wasn't any fun anymore. Reality finally set in and everyday life caught up.
I feel very liberated by this whole experience, I think I have finally become an adult. I am a mother to a beautiful and wonderful child. I having a wonderful full time job, that I would change at all. And have friends that I can finally trust and we would do anything for eachother and finally I have my family, without them I would be nothing. I am just so glad to be rid of all of this and I can move on, find someone that is well suited for me and will love my daughter as much as I do and I can finally set goals and my dreams will finally come true. That is it, thank you all for listening :)
I am actually able to move on with my life and focus on the things important in my life which is my child, my family, and my job. When I walked out of that courthouse it was like a big big burden had been lifted off of my shoulders and I was finally free of all the drama. I am glad that it is finally over and I have definetly learned from this experience. I can't change anybody that isn't willing to change and no matter how much love you give someone if they aren't willing to change it's a lost cause. Sometimes drugs are the only thing they know to turn to. I am happy that I don't have to live with demons like that, I have my own and nothing that drastic. I know that I was very worried for nothing at all, but it is just that I know how he could get and I really didn't know what to expect. I mean I thought he was willing to change, he told me over and over again that he was going to get it right that god had sent me to him to change and he couldn't do it. But whatever I am over it, for awhile I was upset after I filed for divorce it was hard for me. There was about 2 to 3 weeks where I was depressed, never thought that I would find anybody else and that I was going to be stuck with this loser forever, that is what is seemed. I didn't file for divorce until May, I told him it was over in Feburary. It was more that I had to pick the pieces up of my life and start putting my twisted puzzle back together, some pieces had to be thrown away and new pieces were put in their place. I am not looking back on this experience as a mistake, I look at it as a learning experience. I just know that I can't save everybody as much as I want to and I can't have such a big heart because you get taken as a sucker. A big sucker, that is what I felt like when he took the drug dealing over me once again.
But as long as Sophia and me are together and I have my mom and my grandmother and the rest of my family I don't need him. My mother got me through all of this, even when I was being sued for full custody of Sophia, she was right by my side. I don't think that I would have ever been able to get through that without her and that's because she had been through it. And I see now why she was so pissed when she found out that I was getting married, because she had been down that road and didn't want me to have to experience the same heart ache and bullshit that she had to go through. But as always I had to figure it out myself, sometimes we just go do things on a whim and this was one of them. Although I am over it, I think that it is healthy to get it all out of your system, which is what I am doing. I'm listening to Ozzy Osbourne's song "Dreamer", and damn that is what this marriage was lol.. I don't ever know how I will ever repay my mother for her support through all of this, she means so damn much to me. My grandmother was there too, telling me I was stupid for being upset but in a way she was right he couldn't change for me, but it still hurt. I am not going to let people get me down anymore, I am going to do what makes me happy. And eventually I want to find real love, someone that loves me for me, that doesn't have a criminal record and is self sufficent. I can't deal with someone that can't hold a job, or is constantly thinking that I am going to take care of them. I want to be someone that has mutual love and understanding. I've learned a lot about love, I fell in love to quickly with my ex, I think it was more lust than anything. And it was the thrill of not getting caught together too, and once everybody knew it wasn't any fun anymore. Reality finally set in and everyday life caught up.
I feel very liberated by this whole experience, I think I have finally become an adult. I am a mother to a beautiful and wonderful child. I having a wonderful full time job, that I would change at all. And have friends that I can finally trust and we would do anything for eachother and finally I have my family, without them I would be nothing. I am just so glad to be rid of all of this and I can move on, find someone that is well suited for me and will love my daughter as much as I do and I can finally set goals and my dreams will finally come true. That is it, thank you all for listening :)
Monday, September 8, 2008
IT'S ALMOST HERE YIPPY!
So tomorrow is the big day!! I'm getting divorced, didn't think that I would be this happy about it, but I am. I am ready to move on with my life and start fresh :) My husband called yesterday to try to speak to me, but I wouldn't pick up the phone I don't want to hear any of the phony bologna he has to tell me. Saturday was funny, I'm like Adams Rib, I will always be a part of him what an ass lol. It's going to be like a sigh of relief when they tell me it is finally over. Yes, yes, yes, yes!!!
Besides that Sophia is home and doing well, she's watching Max and Ruby right now, she loves them! I've actually started to enjoy them, what's happening to me lol. Work is hectic it's the beginning of the week of course so everybody is trying to get things done.
But that's about it, I will write tomorrow when it's all over with! Wish me luck!!
Besides that Sophia is home and doing well, she's watching Max and Ruby right now, she loves them! I've actually started to enjoy them, what's happening to me lol. Work is hectic it's the beginning of the week of course so everybody is trying to get things done.
But that's about it, I will write tomorrow when it's all over with! Wish me luck!!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Aah The Week Is Almost Done :)
So today was a typical Thursday, everybody at work trying to squeeze 5 days of work into 4. Today actually went pretty well except for a comment by a major dick wad at work. Men just don't think before they open there mouth, I did make sure that they knew about it though it was a sexist comment that really pissed me off. As I have said in the past, I don't take crap from anybody he was told exactly how I felt, I don't pull any punches.
Besides that I have been exhausted all day, had to go into work early today and then sit through training. The good thing about training was that it was about 15 minutes long, unlike yesterdays where the guy talked for an hour, thank god I never had this design engineer as a teacher I would have been sleeping every class. He talks so soft and so slow it's like damn just get it out of your mouth already. And of course we had to have technical difficulties with our office in the UK so that didn't help, we had trouble today too, but we had one of our own guys from our office doing the training so that was nice.
Nothing really else happened at work today. Sophia is in the tub right now playing more than washing, oh well she's having fun. We went out with my Aunt for dinner last night and then to Walmart. I swear this child thinks that Walmart is like Disney World because everytime we go there I leave with something cool for her. Last night it was a new set of pajamas, Tinkerbell, this time. She also got 3 color wonders and diapers. Diapers aren't much fun to her, or me either since I'm the one that has to constantly change them. I sometimes watch her sleep at night and think come on kid please please please use the potty. My dreams will one day come true and I'm not trying to make her grow up quickly, but come on there is just so many more Poopie diapers I can change lol.
In other news I am thinking about purchasing another vehicle and getting rid of the one that I have now. I am looking at a Honda CRV, there are a couple of reasons for that. One is that when I go to court for my divorce I'm afraid that my soon to be ex is going to pop my tires or something, if I have a new car he can't pop the tires. I also want something a little bigger for all my crap and grocery shopping and all of that fun stuff. I don't know we will see how it goes, it all depends on the weather this weekend. I was told it is supposed to get really really bad Saturday, of course my luck. I don't know we will see what happens. But besides that nothing really else is going on, but I have to leave since I have to take Sophia out because it's time for bed.
Night Night
Besides that I have been exhausted all day, had to go into work early today and then sit through training. The good thing about training was that it was about 15 minutes long, unlike yesterdays where the guy talked for an hour, thank god I never had this design engineer as a teacher I would have been sleeping every class. He talks so soft and so slow it's like damn just get it out of your mouth already. And of course we had to have technical difficulties with our office in the UK so that didn't help, we had trouble today too, but we had one of our own guys from our office doing the training so that was nice.
Nothing really else happened at work today. Sophia is in the tub right now playing more than washing, oh well she's having fun. We went out with my Aunt for dinner last night and then to Walmart. I swear this child thinks that Walmart is like Disney World because everytime we go there I leave with something cool for her. Last night it was a new set of pajamas, Tinkerbell, this time. She also got 3 color wonders and diapers. Diapers aren't much fun to her, or me either since I'm the one that has to constantly change them. I sometimes watch her sleep at night and think come on kid please please please use the potty. My dreams will one day come true and I'm not trying to make her grow up quickly, but come on there is just so many more Poopie diapers I can change lol.
In other news I am thinking about purchasing another vehicle and getting rid of the one that I have now. I am looking at a Honda CRV, there are a couple of reasons for that. One is that when I go to court for my divorce I'm afraid that my soon to be ex is going to pop my tires or something, if I have a new car he can't pop the tires. I also want something a little bigger for all my crap and grocery shopping and all of that fun stuff. I don't know we will see how it goes, it all depends on the weather this weekend. I was told it is supposed to get really really bad Saturday, of course my luck. I don't know we will see what happens. But besides that nothing really else is going on, but I have to leave since I have to take Sophia out because it's time for bed.
Night Night
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
A New Day a New Post :)
So I won't be complaining much more about my husband since 6 days and then this nightmare of a marriage is over. I am really happy and I am looking ahead to the future. Though I have learned something that as much as you want to dive head deep into falling in love, it's good to take your time and breath the fresh air and walk, not run. God I just wish I had known that a year and a half ago when I fell so hard in love. I swear it was bad boy syndrome, I could not look away from the bad boy.
I don't know why I actually keep going over and over this again, I guess it's because it's almost over. Now don't get me wrong I cannot wait, I guess it's like it was a couple of months ago I was let down. He promised he would change, he promised he would take care of me. His money went into a black hole and the drugs started again. It just hurts that I was let down.
My mother told me something that I finally believed a couple of weeks a good. Karma is a very powerful thing and although it doesn't come back to you right away it eventually does. And that is what I try to remember. Karma is a Boomerang.
I don't know why I actually keep going over and over this again, I guess it's because it's almost over. Now don't get me wrong I cannot wait, I guess it's like it was a couple of months ago I was let down. He promised he would change, he promised he would take care of me. His money went into a black hole and the drugs started again. It just hurts that I was let down.
My mother told me something that I finally believed a couple of weeks a good. Karma is a very powerful thing and although it doesn't come back to you right away it eventually does. And that is what I try to remember. Karma is a Boomerang.
Monday, September 1, 2008
I can't wait until this is all over!!
So it's still September 1st, but the 9th I hope comes fast. I cannot wait to get divorced, but it seems that my husband doesn't want to leave me alone. He will call over and over again, it annoys me because it bothers me a lot. I really feel that he has definetly gone nuts, I mean he was nuts before but he's even more nuts now. I don't understand after he received the divorce papers why he didn't get it, divorce papers would make me think huh? Guess he doesn't want to be with me oh well I guess I will move on. Not him he's got to keep calling and calling and calling. He isn't scared of the police and or anything.
You know I sometimes wish he would get arrested because then he would leave me alone, a letter is much easier to throw away then listening to your phone vibrate every 5 minutes. I was stupid to marry him, I thought I could change the world and I know those were big aspirations but I really thought if I loved him so much that he would change. I was wrong and I understand that now. Too bad it was a little too late. I have already moved on with my life I just wish upon a star that he would too. Life would be so much easier then and I know that life isn't easy but he makes it very very very complicated.
Thats all for now.
Peace!
Jess
You know I sometimes wish he would get arrested because then he would leave me alone, a letter is much easier to throw away then listening to your phone vibrate every 5 minutes. I was stupid to marry him, I thought I could change the world and I know those were big aspirations but I really thought if I loved him so much that he would change. I was wrong and I understand that now. Too bad it was a little too late. I have already moved on with my life I just wish upon a star that he would too. Life would be so much easier then and I know that life isn't easy but he makes it very very very complicated.
Thats all for now.
Peace!
Jess
Hello Blog
So my first post on my blog...I'd like to welcome everybody that is decided to view this. Just to warn you I am straight to the point I don't pull any punches, what you see is what you get. So there is me in a nutshell. To everybody that knows me I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter named Sophia, she is my bundle of joy (when she wants to be), unfortunately she has her mother's genes so she's moody in the morning and full of vinegar at night. She is growing up so quickly, now if I could just get her to use the potty we will be all set. When you ask her "Sophia do you want to go to the potty", she looks at you and goes "Nope" and starts to laugh. It's hard to keep a straight face with her because she is so hilarious. I will be posting pictures of her constantly because she is such a ham and I have a photo taking problem with her, I can't get enough.
Besides Sophia, I am going through a divorce nobody needs to be upset for me or feel sorry because to be honest I am not one bit sorry about it. People have personal demons sometimes that they do not want to shut out of their life, because it's the only way that they know how to survive like selling drugs, and that was my husbands way of making money. He's homeless living on the streets now and to be honest I could really give to craps about it. I have learned very quickly with this relationship that Karma is a boomerang and Karma is definetly biting him in the ass. I am not a cold person, but he has made me cold. So I have one more unberable week to be married to the ass, and then I am completely free of all of his burdens and bullcrap :).
Besides that I have started working a wonderful job that I absolutely love. It took me awhile to get it, but patience pays off in the long run. But that's about it for now. Hope everybody enjoyed the updates!
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